Wednesday

I'm not going to sugar coat it. Today was rough. If we've been taking baby steps every day so far, this day was mostly a big fat leap backwards.

The highlight was our morning appointment at the U.S. Consulate for our final paperwork. Our daughter will now become an American citizen at her first point of entry in the states. I choked back tears when they asked us to stand, raise our right hands, and repeat the oath. I have no recollection of what we said on her behalf, but I promise to do whatever it was to the best of my ability. :)

The funniest part of the day was at the consulate security checkpoint. Randy went through the metal detector three times AND had the special wand check before he remembered that all the beeping was due to his heavy duty pocket knife...still in his pocket. This was after we'd already surrendered our cell phones and camera. The shocked looks on the guards' faces were priceless. They then confiscated our daughter's plastic toy phone too, just for good measure. And I understood why - we looked pretty darn suspicious by that point.

Assuming that her China passport and US visa is ready on time, we'll pack up and leave town tomorrow afternoon. As excited as I am to begin our last leg of the trip, I'm also quite nervous about leaving. We've had our daughter in a fairly small "bubble" of hotel, appointments, sight seeing and restaurants. Our guide talks to her in Mandarin, there are steamed buns and noodles on the menu, and we're still smack dab in the hustle and bustle of China. The surrounding sights, sounds, and smells are still those of her birthplace. For all she knows, THIS is her new life, not the string of enormous changes that are about to take place.

Today's rough patches began in the van after our appointment. We hit traffic. And she hit the end of her patience. Enter gigantic temper tantrum number one.

It didn't help that Randy has lost some of his "rock" mojo, and I lost whatever mojo that I might have had too. So we were grumpy. And weary.

We made a quick stop on Shamian Island, then headed back to the hotel for the afternoon. She shared a few laughs and giggles, drank a bottle, but still had NO interest in a nap. (Yes, this may be part of the problem.)

Late afternoon gave way to the biggest and longest tantrum yet. Everything I'd learned in the adoption and attachment books went foggy and I questioned if we would ever calm her down. We wondered if we were doing the right things, and then we bickered about if we were doing the right things. Finally, my tears started flowing right along with hers.

I'm thankful that we were able to keep feeling tender toward her during those seventy-five-or-so long minutes. No matter how much we love her, at times it can be hard to like a toddler who'd prefer to drop kick us across the room, if only she could stop sobbing long enough to do it. I'd never imagined that such a tiny body could be so full of anger and sadness. We're constantly trying to remember what she's been through and where she's coming from, and hope that we can meet her right where she needs us to be. But, honestly, it isn't always easy.

I'd planned to venture out for a while with my real camera today, but that plan sorta crumbled. I managed a short walk, but realized that things move so quickly here that by the time the camera is up near my face, everything about the scene has already changed. Plus, it was hard to stay incognito as the pale American with the giant camera. I wished that my eyes could just record everything for me.

We ended the day by revisiting a cute cafe for a fast dinner, eating spicy noodles and green tea ice cream while Jingle Bells played over the speaker.

Bedtime was typical, but she settled faster tonight. I don't think she had much fight left, poor little thing.

Tomorrow begins our next series of big changes. It is also our daughter's third birthday - her very first spent with a family. Please pray for her heart as we begin the long journey home. Please also pray for our boys, as they have worries and fears of their own as our family makes this transition. They have been wonderfully brave and loving from afar and we can't wait to give them hugs in person again.

We have truly felt all of the prayers and good wishes over our family thus far, and we will gladly accept any more that come our way!