Chopsticks

 Watch out...she's crafty with those chopsticks and she might take your food too!

Tuesday (sorry, this one got long)

Last night was the first "normal" sleep I've had in China. It only took twelve days. Considering the norm of one day per hour of time change, I'm an overachiever at two days ahead!

People spit a lot here. This morning I saw a man hacking into a decorative bowl that held a floating flower. (And now a loogie.) Randy witnessed someone spitting sideways into a trash can slot. Tonight I narrowly avoided stepping on a spit wad on an indoor staircase. I'm beginning to understand why Asians remove their shoes at home.

Poor translations are everywhere here. We chuckle at the sign that warns us against "striding" in the fountain. A certain flower's name was translated as the "drunken smell wine". And perhaps the passerby was intending to look cool, but unfortunately her t-shirt read, "Believe me, I am asshole." Don't worry, we believed her.

Another adopting family invited us to visit White Cloud Mountain with them. Once I figured out that it had nothing to do with toilet paper, we were good to go.

The first part of our excursion included a gorgeous area called the Yuntai Garden. Its entrance had a sign that read, "Customers first, happily served, friendly words, active and patience neat appearance, warm and polite effective and convenient, satisfaction guaranteed." And if that wasn't enough, visitors could register a grievance in the garden's complaint box. They definitely aimed to please.

I have never been so hot in my life. The humidity was insane and the sun was intense. The Chinese take sun protection seriously, and we see more umbrellas on sunny days than on rainy ones. Pale skin is the cultural preference here, and skin color is used to distinguish the privileged who work indoors from the poor who labor in the sun. Some will even go as far as wearing ski masks to the beach. And to think that I've longed for easily tannable skin for my entire life.

After the garden we rode a ski lift up the mountain. The views were great, and from above we could see what appeared to be an ancient temple and a former Olympic training center. We reached the top and expected to find something historic, or traditional, or even nature related. Instead, a great big McDonald's sign greeted us when we exited the lift area. We followed the arches solely for the air conditioning, but were surprised to find that the Chinese McD's sells bubble tea. Yum!

We also saw a group doing karaoke while another couple waltzed nearby, a foursome playing Chinese hackie sack, and a couple practicing badminton. All seemingly odd activities for the top of a mountain - at least to us.

The only potty was a squatty, so I held my nose, took a photo, and went right back out in favor of waiting for a western one. Oddly enough, the squatty toilet's brand was American Standard; little do they know that these torturous pee holes are sooo not standard anywhere in America. Thankfully.

At night we went with several friends to a Japanese steakhouse. We decided against the fried squid head and boiled ox tongue (yes, those were totally on the menu) and instead ate a fairly normal hibachi style dinner. I bravely ignored the fact that my shrimp still had heads. And eyes.

We'd been told that our daughter's orphanage never used chopsticks, but she grabbed them right up and went to town. So cute.

She had a fairly good day with only one noodle throwing disobedient incident and a bit of stubbornness. One big breakthrough was when I gave her a kiss, and she leaned in for another. Heaven!

Bedtime again involved slightly less screaming. Either things are improving, or she sampled the saki when we weren't looking...

We heard that our seven year old lost a tooth today, which made me nearly burst into tears to have missed it. Hopefully the tooth fairy still knows what to do when parents are out of town.

We are missing our boys terribly, but know that they have been well cared for by grandma. Plus, a few special people have been taking care of grandma too, by dropping off meals, offering play dates to our boys, sending fun games and activities, and stopping by to visit. We are incredibly grateful for everyone who has made this journey to our daughter possible.

From the bottom of our hearts, THANK YOU for the prayers, comments, messages, play dates, meals, hugs, rides, and love. We couldn't be here, with her, without you.

(Once again, insert cheesy heart icon ♥)

Ping Pong

Looks like our itinerary is going to end up like this:

Indy>Chicago>Hong Kong>Shenzhen>Guangzhou>Shenzhen>Guangzhou>Shenzhen>Hong Kong>Chicago>Indy.

I feel like a long range ping pong ball.

Monday

I confess that I get tired of writing sometimes, so I asked Randy if he could do today's update. His answer: we played with our daughter, visited a temple, and drank German beer. The end.

Hmm. Well, in case you'd like a few more details...

We visited the Chen Clan Academy this morning. It dates back to the 1800's, when it was used as a meeting house and a place for the Chen family to worship their ancestors. It is one of the few local historic sites that wasn't destroyed in the Cultural Revolution. It is beautiful, and fascinating to learn about its history and symbolism. Every part of the temple is symmetrical, to promote balance. Its roof contained colorful sculptures and figures that must be repainted every few years. The front doors were four meters high and are the tallest in the entire province. The walls told stories through intricately carved murals. We watched a man "finger paint" some incredible works of art, and couldn't resist buying one to bring home.

Randy has had his eye on a Chinese instrument called a calabash, and he finally caved and bought one at the temple. I think he plans to use it to soothe our small beast - er, toddler - at bedtime.

We learned a few other useful Chinese tidbits:
Bats are lucky; crows are not. Owls aren't wise.
Lion statues hold great symbolism. Most buildings have two stone lions in front; a female holding her baby and a male holding a universe ball. Lions in this area can have pearls in their mouths, since it is near the Pearl River Delta. Lions in this province have friendly faces; Beijing lions are fierce.
Numbers are important. Eight and nine are best; four is worst. (Apparently, our hotel pays big bucks to have a telephone number with plenty of eights and nines.)
Yellow was a color reserved for royalty; red is a lucky color for everyone.
Front door thresholds have great significance in height and appearance. If a family wants to decline a marriage proposal, they can say that the other family's threshold is too high to cross. Glad to have this explanation, because to me the thresholds have just appeared to be tripping hazards. :)

Our daughter enjoyed the visit, but was most impressed by the tiny ramps to help people get over the thresholds. She'd hold our hands and go up the ramp, down the ramp, repeat, repeat, repeat.

She is getting more adventurous and often prefers walking to being in the carrier. She is extremely restless in the car, which has us worried about how she'll handle the looooong plane ride home.

We spent the afternoon at the hotel with play dough, flash cards, stickers, and swimming. She's mastered sign language for "help" and "open" and does them with gusto. She also likes to chant what appears to be a song, complete with hand motions; we can't figure out what she's saying, but it's adorable. Nap times are a no go, and bedtimes are painful. However, the screaming has lessened by a little each night.

We joined some friends for dinner at a German restaurant; definitely Randy's favorite meal so far. We were warned not to eat any raw veggies here, and at this point I'm positively drooling over the salad photos on the menus. I settled for veggie soup instead. Better safe than sorry on this trip!

As we left the restaurant with our toddler girls in tow, the servers waved goodbye to them, then looked at us and asked if we were babysitting. Our friend explained that, no, we've adopted them. The server smiled warmly and said, "Thank you."

I think I'm going to stop worrying about why they stare. Perhaps it is more positive than I'd suspected.

But who can't help but be positive around this cute face??

Sunday

Our sweet girl has an itchy rash on her stomach that we noticed tonight at bedtime. This is in addition to the dark bruises and lines on her ankles AND the spots all over her body (still not sure if mosquitos or scabies). Poor thing. Hopefully it will be gone by morning; otherwise, we might be taking a trip to the doc.

My stomach is still bothering me every time I eat (my starvation plan wasn't very successful). Randy injured his back somehow during his morning work out, so he was in a lot of pain today. We are quite the ragamuffin trio right now.

This afternoon we hired a private shopper named Ann that many of our friends have used. She took us and another family around to various markets. She is a riot and kept us laughing the whole time. She also helped us get some great bargains.

We took the subway to the first market, and it was CRAZY crowded; we were packed in like human sardines. It was an efficient and inexpensive (but claustrophobic) way to travel. People offered us their seats on a few of the rides since we were carrying babies. Strangers don't seem outwardly warm to us here, so the kind gesture was surprising. They seem to do a nice job of caring for pregnant women, babies, and the elderly in China; I think our culture could use a few pointers from them.

Our first stop was a silk shop to buy traditional Chinese outfits for our daughter. They also had silk shoes and - get this! - she happily took off her special orphanage shoes in favor of some new pink silk ones. She even let us put her old shoes into Randy's backpack. That, my friends, is trust! Yay!

The streets we walked between the markets were entertaining. Toddlers with their bums hanging out of split pants, disabled musicians, bicyclists transporting gigantic loads, beggars under the highway. Street vendors were selling everything from crepes, to sugar cane, to animal furs. Randy bought a coconut and drank the water straight from the middle with a straw. It reminded us of our Panama days.

We lost some steam after a few more markets; our daughter was asleep in the Ergo and my husband was in even more pain. Ann took us to a Chinese medicine shop, ordered up three special oils, and proceeded to lift Randy's shirt to apply them. She insisted that it would work like magic.

Our final stop was the pearl and jade market, where we went a little crazy. Randy kept adding to our order and telling me to get whatever we might want for the future. Knowing Randy and how much he enjoys shopping - especially jewelry shopping - I'm pretty sure that the pain meds had kicked in. Either way, our daughter's jewelry is set for her wedding day. With some to spare.

We finished the day by eating dinner at a surprisingly good cafe with our shopping friends. We gave our daughter her first taste of green tea ice cream. She made a horrible face. And then asked for more.

Back at the hotel we shared an elevator with an older Chinese gentleman. We get a lot of stares whenever we're out, and I've wondered many times what the Chinese are thinking about us. For the first time, someone actually told us. The man smiled at our daughter, looked up at us, and said, "Wow, lucky, lucky girl."

He exited the elevator and I quickly stammered back, "Thanks, but we are the lucky ones."

And we truly are. ♥

Saturday

Breakfast was normal...until the fork incident. She was waving her fork around and it accidentally hit her forehead. She furrowed her brow, glared at the fork, and then chucked it across the table in retaliation. It hit a glass, which shattered into pieces. We need to find plastic ware asap. And improve our reflexes.

She is still a sweet giggle box with a fiery temper and HATES bedtime. She is mostly receptive to gentle correction, but watch out if she disagrees. She is picking up sign language and has almost mastered "more", "help", "all done", and "bye bye". She usually calls us ayi, which means auntie, or caregiver (to her). But when we remind her that we are mama and baba, she'll repeat that instead.

I did a second "load" of laundry in the bathtub. Problem is, most items take 2-3 days to dry since it is so humid here, and by then they smell kind of musty. We can send out our laundry, but it is $1.50 per item. Randy sent his out. But since I already have the laundry soap and am worried about losing my clothes again, I'm stubborn (or stupid) enough to keep doing mine myself.

When we first arrived we found it strange that all of the stores had racks of clothes out front - not for sale, but to dry in the sun. Undies, bras, everything, right out on the sidewalk. It gave a new meaning to "airing out your dirty laundry". But now I get why.

Our hotel is incredible and gigantic. There are various high end shops in the lobby. Randy considered buying a few new shirts instead of laundering them, but the $150 price tag made him reconsider.

There are eight elevators to choose from in the lobby. There is always someone in white gloves to "present" the elevator to us when it arrives. A very exciting job, I'm sure. :)

We have three trash receptacles to choose from outside our door: normal, recyclable, and hazardous waste. We're still not sure which one is the correct choice for dirty diapers, but we've placed our bets on hazardous.

Most of the american and european couples seem to be here for adoptions, especially since all americans are required to stay here for the consulate appointment. There are also a lot of middle eastern couples here. I think the women are absolutely beautiful in their traditional attire. Two of them appeared to be royalty, as their matching head garments were more like crowns than simple silks. Although for all I know about middle eastern attire, they could have been flight attendants.

There is one particular chinese man who we've seen almost every time we go out. He wears Mr. Potato Head glasses (I'm sure there is a better name) and has a goatee, so there is no mistaking him. He appears out of nowhere, then disappears just as quickly. We're wondering if he is some sort of spy tracking our every move. I'm no expert, but I think he needs a better disguise.

We took a trip to the grocery for more bottled water (the water here is not safe for us to drink, or even use to brush teeth). Apparently, every chinese person in the city also grocery shops on Saturday. It was a madhouse.

In the afternoon we took a taxi to Shamian Island, a picturesque and european looking park area with a few shops and restaurants. It is much quieter than the main part of the city and we loved it. There were tons of photo shoots in progress, mostly fashion and some wedding.

There appear to be two courses of action when a taxi is stuck in traffic. One is to honk incessantly, even if everyone in the line up is also honking. The other is to get out of the car and stand angrily with hands on hips. Sometimes a cigarette helps too. Obviously they both work, since the traffic eventually clears. We might have to try these techniques when we're back in Indy.

It is somehow acceptable to make a left hand turn from a right hand lane, even on a six lane highway during rush hour. Bonus points are awarded if it involves swerving to avoid bicycles. Again, Frogger. On steroids.

The highways are beautiful here. Every median is full of flowers and greenery. It is really a well kept and pretty city.

One shop owner commented on our daughter's beautiful shoes and asked where we got them. (Yes, THE shoes.) Our daughter picked up her foot and pointed toward her shoe, and the shop keeper was told us that she is brilliant to know English already. Obviously, she is. And obviously, she LOVES her shoes.

We found out that she is terrified of statues. And cats. (Doesn't look promising for her introduction to our two greyhounds back home.)

Finally, our daughter's journey has been incredible, but also quite unique and surprising. It has led us to a particular fork in the road and a decision we must make this week. Please pray for divine insight and wisdom for us to choose the right path. This little orchid deserves it.

Swim giggles

Toooooo tired for a long update right now...I'm trying but my head keeps threatening to hit the keyboard. Today involved a bit of shattered glass, but no one was hurt and the rest of the day went well. We sure do love this giggly little girl.

Friday (which is now Saturday)...

Long, LONG day.

Breakfast was usual. Except Randy informed me that I've forgotten to add hash browns on the list of her usual fare. The girl loves her food. Lord help us if we somehow run out during the flight home.

Her silly faces are HILARIOUS. I need to get them on video. Our boys are going to love her spunk.

Morning swim went well again. She loves water and is so sweet as she splashes and giggles.

She hates to have her hair in her face. She also hates to have bows holding her hair back. I guess a buzz cut would solve that problem, but...

We went back to the intl medical clinic to have her TB test read. American public, you may now relax.

I do not understand why we haven't seen more accidents here. Aggressive driving doesn't quite cover it. Crossing the street reminds me of Frogger.

We've commented on the street sweepers many times since we've arrived. They are always at work with their long, spindly broomsticks, which makes for a surprisingly clean city. I now think there is a reason why we've been so drawn to the sweepers and it makes me smile.

The 2.5 hour drive to the orphanage began without incident, and, of course, with some food. About 30 minutes in, we experienced what will go down in history as The Great Water Bottle Incident. The result was over 90 solid minutes of the most intense temper tantrum China has ever seen. No toy, snack, sticker, parent, comfort, or Mandarin phrase from our guide would help. Her 21 lbs can amazingly transform into that of a prized fighter. I was fairly certain that our driver was going to disappear into the city in order to avoid the ride home. Eventually, she tantrumed herself to sleep, and we all spent the remaining 30 minutes in shell shocked silence.

Our guide asked if THAT was what I'd meant about her screaming at bedtime. I nodded yes, and I think we gained about ten notches on the empathy scale.

Randy is a ROCK. I'm not sure if he is using special drugs of which I'm unaware. (If so, I'm not sure why he isn't sharing.) Or perhaps he has come down with a serious case of "smitten" mixed with an incredible dose of "delirium". Either way, I pray that it doesn't change.

Our guide explained to her what we were doing at the orphanage. She did the stoic (and adorable) head nod that she gives when someone speaks to her in Mandarin. We don't know how much she truly understands, but she always appears to get what they are saying.

She showed a few nerves when we first entered the orphanage. When we got near a toy room she shrieked in protest, but didn't fully melt down. Some older children recognized her and came close to say hello. One fed her some mushy food straight from her own bowl, and our daughter took it cautiously. We then went to her old bedroom; the children and ayis gathered around and made a big show of seeing her. One ayi pulled her out of my Ergo and passed her around to the other ayis. She seemed to be okay with this, and listened to every word they told her. Next we toured her Half the Sky playroom, where the trained nannies work with children. Sadly, our daughter's nanny retired a few months back, so we just visited in general with the other ones. She went to them easily, and came back to us easily.

I'd seen photos of the orphanage, but I was surprised at how dirty it appeared in person. Parts of it were smokey, which I also wasn't expecting. It was hot and somewhat loud. I'd thought that I'd be more emotional about the visit in general, but I think I know too much. Instead, I felt surprisingly numb as we walked the halls.

We ended the visit in the directors' office. We'd requested to look at her file and specifically, a letter that was in it. We came for answers, and I suppose we got some. But not at all what we'd expected.

Our precious little girl is a fighter for a reason. She has survived insurmountable odds and, sadly, more pain and loss in her three years than I have experienced in my thirty five.

As uncomfortable as the visit was, I'm entirely thankful that we went. Walking the halls offered us pieces of her past. Gaining information granted us reason for compassion. Passing through the front gates, for the very last time, provided closure to this chapter in her life. I hesitated to take a quick photo as we left, but she whined and urged me to keep walking to the parking lot. And when the van pulled away she did not look back.

We fought traffic for a while trying to find a particular part of the city. It was way too quick, but I'm glad to have found it.

Finally, we met our volunteer friends for dinner before the drive home. Oddly enough, at the very same restaurant and exact same table that Randy and I had eaten at only one week before. Back when we were merely two. Now the three of us, along with our dear friends, shared food and laughter once again. Our hour together passed in seconds. But it couldn't have been a more perfect end to the day.

Thursday

Today was much, much better. Tonight was quite a bit worse. Progress? Or regress? Maybe both.

We finally snuck her shoes off in the middle of the night last night, after too many kicks to the head (and every other part). We expected her to look for them in the morning, but she didn't for several hours. Later on she got brave enough to take off her shoes and try on the ones we brought for her (never mind that they are all way too big). She quickly decided that hers are still best, of course.

Breakfast was the exact same, minus one sausage and plus one yogurt. For those wondering why we don't just cut her off from eating so much, just understand that this is very normal post-institutional behavior. We knew from our volunteer friend's stories that food would likely be an issue for her, so we were prepared for this. It should improve over the long run, as she learns to trust that food isn't going to be withheld in her new life. Plus, right now she is extremely thin, so these extra calories aren't going to hurt.

Water was a big hit today! Bath time was 110% easier than expected - she loved it! We also tried out the swimming pool. She whimpered when we first got close to it, but by the end she was splashing a ton and asking to be tossed in the air. I think we have ourselves a water baby.

Sleep was our biggest issue today. She could use a daily nap, but has no interest in slowing down enough to take one. She falls asleep in the Ergo as we walk, but only for a few minutes at a time. Tonight she was certifiably slap happy crazy and we knew she was beyond exhausted. Lights out time turned in to the biggest tantrum yet, and she and I both ended up sobbing. Since then she has woken up several times with fits of tears. I think tomorrow night melatonin will be calling her name...and maybe mine too.

I'm glad that I'd prepared enough for this journey to know that I cannot trust any emotions right now. There are just so many, and things are so fragile. I'm embarrassed to admit that I thought I'd be immune to many of them, which I can now see was a bit ridiculous. Thankfully, I know that our experience is right smack in the range of "normal". Beautiful, crazy, everything-is-abnormal, "normal".

Tomorrow we'll travel the 2.5 hours back to her orphanage with our guide for an official visit. I am positive that it is a trip we are supposed to make, however it doesn't come without a lot of nerves. I pray that it will be a time of closure, answers, and healthy goodbyes.

On Monday the orphanage rep told us that their staff is excited for us to come visit. The reason? They think that Randy looks like Beckham in the photo they've seen, and they can't wait to meet him. Didn't see that one coming, haha.

Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for your encouragement, kind words, and prayers. We take the time to read every single word and it lifts us up for another day. The support is a most incredible gift right now.

Finally, I need to warn you all of something. This girl's giggle is going to knock your socks off.

Wednesday

It's all roses! Oh, wait. It's roses...in a thunderstorm. Yep, that's more like it.

I think Randy's biggest problem right now is that he is madly, and I mean madly, in love with our girl. That can cause a bit of angst between the two of us, because we both desperately want her to accept us. Luckily, she goes back and forth on who she rejects and who she reaches toward. I am thankful, and hope we can keep that balance, because even the tiniest rejections still hurt.

Her medical exam was today, and she braved the TB test needle well.

She is extremely ticklish. And her giggle...oh, that giggle is something else!

Something I didn't anticipate is the difficulty of being a foreigner trying to comfort a screaming, tantruming Chinese toddler, with a sea of Chinese eyes staring us down. Of course, I don't know what the masses are truly thinking, but my insecurities go straight for the worst options. I bet they wouldn't know how to calm a grieving child that they met two days ago either. I just wish I could say that in Mandarin...and maybe into a megaphone.

Our afternoon appointment was to apply for our daughter's passport. Our guide was busy, so she sent her sister to help us instead. All I will say is that there is a reason why she is NOT a guide. Yikes.

We continue to have the Very Hungry Caterpillar child. For breakfast she ate one egg, two waffles, several melon slices, one yogurt, half a croissant, three sausages, and a glass of juiced watermelon. For dinner she ate 95% of my dinner, plus some snacks. But, so far, she hasn't produced a cocoon. :)

The throwing issue persists. Tonight I got a fork to the head. Not an intentional hit, but it resulted in a cut lip nonetheless. I think we need to step up our reflexes.

She is one of the most charming children we've ever met. However - and this will seem strange to people who haven't studied institutionalized behaviors - it has me worried. Charm as a learned survival instinct can be one of the more difficult issues in attachment and healing. It is especially tricky because it doesn't outwardly look to be a problem. It also breaks my heart to think that she may be reacting not out of actual joy and fun, but in fear. I hope that part of her charm surely is just "her", as it is absolutely adorable. I pray that she will be able to heal and that we can see her as the full child that she is meant to be, not who she needed to be in order to survive.

I have figured out the answer to my problems - do not eat or drink anything, and always stay near a toilet. Kind of creates a few more issues though.

We are missing the first days we spent in China, those filled with laughter and in health. I am thankful that we got to see a glimpse of China before spending these days only inside the hotel and government offices. I know there are many more wonderful things about her birth country, and I want to be able to know about them and share them with her.

Our boys start school in one day. We miss them terribly, and know that they are making sacrifices for us to take this journey. It pains me that we were so drained tonight that we could barely skype. I hope they understand how much we love them.

Regardless of today's difficulties, or the ones that will come tomorrow, this little gal is worth the fight.

Tuesday

I'm wide awake at 2 am and not feeling well. But I might as well write while I can, as the details of our days here fade quickly.
We took one step back this morning when she woke up. Yesterday's evening smiles had regressed into fear; she took everything in with wide and fearful eyes again. We skyped briefly with the boys. She timidly watched them on the screen, but did not interact.
Still no budging on changing her outfit, and we don't dare take off her prized shoes. When her pigtail fell out she made it clear that it needed to be fixed. It's as if she wants every detail to be frozen in time from when she left the orphanage. No problem, baby girl. We can wait.
She began eating almost immediately after waking. And the breakfast buffet rocked her world.
She still throws things when she is done with them. So Randy got hit in the face with a banana. Apparently, bananas are only worth eating if they are still in the peel.
On one of our walks we saw a disabled man lying on the sidewalk. One foot was incredibly disfigured; it appeared to be club foot. This was hard for us to see, as both Randy and one of our boys were born with severe bilateral club foot. It was heart wrenching to see that what could have been fixed with simple medicine in our privileged world, instead destined this man to a life on the streets.
We ate lunch at a Mexican restaurant. Next to us were three American women and their Chinese friend. We chatted a bit and they asked what we were doing here. Turns out, the Chinese woman had thought that our daughter was biological. We all had a good laugh. Funny how that recessive Chinese gene works sometimes. :)
We got a tiny potty from our guide; much better for her than the terrifying toilet.
At the grocery store she lit up when she saw the coconut milk and clutched her special drink through the rest of the trip. She also gave a tiny yell and lunged as we passed a display of jello type candies. The girl knows what she likes!
She grinds her teeth when sleeping. That makes three of us grinders in the same bed.
Tonight we ate dinner with two other adopting families that we'd met online; we had a great time. The toddler girls all eyed each other. I wonder if they thought to themselves, "I see that you're stuck with the same alien beings that I am. At least they seem to have lots of food."
It thundered and stormed on the walk back to the hotel, but she wasn't as scared as we'd expected. Someone mentioned that another typhoon was passing through but it didn't seem to be a bad one.
We did get more smiles today, and even some giggles. She is hilarious when she is feeling comfortable. We spent hours playing with stacking cups and letting her put stickers on our faces. She mimics faces that we make and I hope to get a video of it at some point. She is a DOLL.
Our appointment duty today was at the civil affairs building to sign papers to make our adoption final in China's eyes. She remembered the building from yesterday and whimpered when we entered. We were asked at least three times if we were satisfied with her and if we would ever abandon or abuse her. By the third time I got teary and wanted to exclaim, "Are you kidding me?? Have you seen this amazing child?!" Needless to say, she is now officially ours. <3

Monday updates...

We have her. And she is PERFECT. She was absolutely charming and so brave at the civil affairs office. But she lost it on the way to the hotel and screamed the whole way. And then again at the hotel when the guide left us. Snacks were a distraction for a bit. But now she is the saddest little girl in the world. She is clutching the photo book we sent her (the only thing she still has from the orphanage) and standing by the door, waiting for them to take her back. We know that this is normal and healthy for her to grieve so much. But it is so very painful to see. She has an opinion about everything. And she is just wonderful.

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The most beautiful little girl in the world is fast asleep on my chest. And I have tears rolling down my cheeks. She is still clutching her little photo book, absolutely refused to take off her shoes, and wanted her pjs put on over her dress...the only things she has left in this world right now. Sweet, sweet girl. She is incredible. ♥

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She is the tiniest little thing. Unlike our chunky monkey boys, she doesn't have an ounce of fat on her. Her fingers are so petite and delicate.

Despite her size, she is mighty! She can arch her back and fight like a pro. No question she is a survivor.

She ate and ate for HOURS. Can of coconut milk, bag of animal crackers, two suckers, half a box of rice puffs, handful of dried strawberries, chicken, bread, and congee (rice soup). It didn't seem possible that she could stuff anything else in that tummy...and then she did.

When she is done with something (say a bowl of cereal), she throws it over her shoulder. Especially funny because we have stories of her doing that in the orphanage. A bit messy though!

She reached for a chocolate bar on our desk, but it was the only food so far that she has ended up hating.

She alternated between eating and sobbing for most of the afternoon. She was obsessed with the door. At one point, she took her book, turned her back to us, and just stood there waiting, maybe for someone to return to get her. We gave her space, then took her to walk the halls. This seemed to be a turning point. Maybe because she realized that the orphanage staff and guide weren't waiting behind the door as she'd suspected.

She knows exactly what she wants (or doesn't). No to the toilet. Yes to the window. No to the new shoes. Yes to the computer. No to the doll. Yes to the lamp. No to the word "no"...which will be a work in progress. :)

I showed her the photo of our volunteer friend with me. She climbed closer and put her hand up to the screen. Then she looked me over in the photo and we said mama. Several times she touched our friend's photo and she smiled. I think maybe it was good for her to see us together in that photo - someone great from her past along with this new stranger.

We skyped briefly with our boys, but she was already super tired. She was interested in them, but the camera wasn't working well enough for her to see them much. They seem to be infatuated with her though! So very sweet.

At the end of the night she started showing some smiles. She can be a HAM. She mimics our faces and even started signing the few sign language things I showed her, like "more" and "food". Well, mostly because she wanted to keep eating more food. :) She is SO observant. It is fascinating to watch her look everything over and constantly assess each situation. The bedroom was scariest and I worried that she wouldn't sleep. But here we are. ♥

Good night! Better sleep while I can. :)

The Queen Bee

Something I haven't shared with many people is that we were fortunate to make a special connection while we waited to complete our daughter's adoption process. Several months back, a random person put us in touch with an expat who lives in our daughter's city and has volunteered in her orphanage for years.

And she knew our daughter.

She checked on her about once or twice a week and sent us updates. She answered my many questions, put up with my insane rambling, and tempered my crazy meltdowns. She shared about our daughter's sweet, charming, and spunky personality. She sang to her. She prayed for her. She gave love to her roommates. She made me laugh, and sometimes she made me cry. The volunteer work she does almost exactly what we did during our short year in the orphanage in Panama - which can be thankless, exhausting, and depressing - and it made me like and admire her even more.

But, even though we wouldn't have given up this inside knowledge for anything, at times it was a double edged sword. The volunteer asked if we wanted to hear the truth, or if we preferred to only hear the "happy". A seemingly odd, but quite valid question. She gave us truth, but sometimes it was painful. She shared about our daughter's care, orphanage life, and day-to-day struggles. We heard things that brought us to tears. We knew when our daughter was sick. We knew when she needed medical care, and when she was turned away from the hospital for that care. Twice. And we knew that we could do nothing about it but pray.

Somewhere during the thirteen hundred messages exchanged between us, this woman became a dear friend.

So the few days we were able to spend with this friend, in our daughter's city, was precious beyond words. We will cherish the pieces of our daughter's story that she's given to us. It has allowed us to prepare for this day, and for our daughter's future with our family, in an amazingly beautiful way.

We'll treasure these stories for our daughter and someday share them all with her, as they are a big part of her life story. I hope that she won't mind me sharing just one of them, as written by our friend back in May, because it told us so much about her.

Today, out of 30+ kids, JL was again the only one out of her crib walking around. She had on slipper-type sneakers that were way too big for her. I'm thinking she 'borrowed' them from the little girl with the heart problem. That'll teach the ayis to hide her shoes from her. 

JL did have dark circles under her eyes today, but other than that, she had good color and her usual energy level. Anyway, she was at least getting some exercise walking around while others weren't nearly as fortunate.

Just when I was thinking that I wouldn't have much news for you today, I walked over to a crib that had a baby I had never seen before. The baby is 1 1/2 months old, with no hands, and only one foot. Its bottle was propped up on a towel, and the poor thing was gagging. I tried my best to feed the baby, but it kept gagging and spitting up. For me, it always takes awhile to learn who has difficulty eating, cleft lip/palate issues, etc., but I had never seen this child before, so I glanced over at the ayi for her to tell me what to do. No sooner had I taken my eyes off the baby to look at the ayi, and guess who showed up at the head of the crib. It was JL. Not only was she standing there, but she had stuck her arm between the slats of the crib and was holding the bottle 'just right,' feeding the newborn baby. She stood there and held the bottle until the baby was finished eating. Stacy, she is two years old, and even I, a mother of SEVEN, wasn't able to get the baby to eat without gagging.

It was so sweet, and I would have given anything for a picture of it, but there was an ayi next to me.

After today, I think it's safe to say that JL is the Queen Bee of her room. She definitely appears to be a leader, as all the other children just stand in their cribs and observe her. Goodness, not even the threat of being tied to her crib, nor having her shoes hidden from her will slow her down. She's a pistol. :)

From this day forward, while you wait for your little girl, I think maybe your attitude should be that of a Boy Scout:
Be Prepared. :)


We have been so blessed. This is one amazing little girl indeed. Only three more hours until we meet her. Wow.

If it looks like we're both tired, sweaty, and tear-streaked...well, it's because we were. :)

The sea of faces

Tonight is the last night that our daughter will have only one set of parents - those from her birth.

I've considered them often. Were they young? Old? Did they have another child before her? Do they have one now? Were they married? Are they together now? Are they healthy? Or even alive?

Do they wonder about her?

I've certainly wondered about them.

As we walked the streets in our daughter's city, I couldn't help but to study the faces around me. I searched for her eyes, for her dimples, for any trace of biological resemblance. In a city of 15 million, there's almost no chance that we would even brush by each other on the streets. But I couldn't help but look. And wonder.

I wish we had answers for the questions she will ask about them someday. The same ones I've considered. But heavier and deeper for her.

I wish we could tell them how much their daughter is loved already. I wish they could know that their daughter will be safe. I wish we could thank them for creating such a beautiful and special child.

I hope that they can somehow feel it.

Sunday night ramblings

We woke early so our friends could give us a tour of the local Chinese park. It was amazing - various types of music playing, groups doing Tai Chi, couples dancing together, people practicing movements with swords (our boys would've LOVED that part), old women using ropes to stretch themselves into splits, a man playing the flute, groups of men gathered around tree stumps to play cards, people fishing in the lake, and men playing croquet. So much music and so many sights. I think the park is my favorite part of China so far.

We got our luggage! Clean clothes, gifts, diapers, and little girl accessories - just in time.

We attended our friends' church. It was packed with the back as standing room only. Many people stood for the entire 1.5 hours. Newcomers excitedly introduced themselves to the crowd as microphones were passed around. The 'privilege' of worship was mentioned. Considering that it is still illegal for this church meeting to even take place, it is absolutely true. It was a special experience to me for many reasons.

I shed an awful lot of tears today. But I laughed even more. We were SO blessed to have had this time in our daughter's city. Leaving was bittersweet and huge pieces of our hearts will always remain.

Jet lag and emotion hit hard during the two hour car ride to our next city, and we both did the head bob, jerk awake, slide down the seat sleeping thing for most of it. I had tear stained cheeks and red eyes. Our driver must have thought we'd been drugged.

Our guide was supposed to meet us today but isn't even in the city yet. She is supposed to get us 30 minutes before we meet our daughter; hopefully she'll show up!

Tonight Randy went out to get bottled water (it isn't safe to drink tap here) and he was propositioned by three girls and one man. Couldn't get back to the hotel fast enough.

Our new hotel is incredible, but we feel uncomfortable for a reason that I can't put my finger on yet. Maybe it is the air of production for this event, or that we feel "on display" already.

The chicken was tougher than nails, but the skyline is gorgeous, the pool amazing, the bed comfy. Maybe we need to try fish instead?

A tiny crib is set up at the end of our bed. We received a gift basket with baby items. There are orchids everywhere. She is coming so soon. ♥

We are the strangers

Most people love babies. However, most people do not love hanging out with babies in the pint-sized jail otherwise known as the church nursery.

I served my tour of nursery duty on three (yes, three) of the Sundays prior to our China departure.

I tried to look on the bright side of this sentence - er, opportunity. After all, my youngest son is nearly five, so my baby/toddler skills have faded. I needed the practice.

And, truly, it wasn’t so bad. On the third Sunday I had a light bulb moment. The thing that makes people hope and pray that they aren’t picked for nursery duty isn’t the actual caring for babies part. It’s that, every Sunday, without fail, there are babies that don’t want to be cared for. At least, not cared for by nursery workers.

By strangers.

I thought about this as I tried to console one particularly sad little boy that day. I offered him toy after toy, snack after sippy drink, rocking chair after bouncing walk. No song, game, or comfort would help his grief. He wanted his parents.

He wanted familiar.

And then, I remembered what is about to take place for my daughter-to-be. And my heart ached.

In a less than two days, she will be taken from everything she has ever known. The orphanage hustle and bustle, the blur of caretakers and volunteers, the other children and friends. The flowered toddler chair, the giant Hello Kitty doll, and the meal table that comes up to her forehead.

Thankfully, she will be taken from hunger, from inattention, from peeling green paint, from rickety wooden cribs, and from urine soaked outfits.

From watching roommates die.

But she will be taken from so much more. She will be thrust into the arms of two people who look, talk, smell, and act different from what she is used to. We will eat strange food, wear strange clothes, and make strange gestures. Twelve days later she’ll board an airplane and leave behind even more: her culture, language, and people. Her roots. And no matter how much we cherish her heritage and honor her past, it will still be a traumatic. It will still be a loss. When she someday walks the streets of her birth city, she will be more likely to feel like a foreigner than the ethnically Chinese person that she will always be. A complete outsider in the land to which she once belonged.

I’ve followed other adoptive families as they chronicle their new children’s transitions. Many have found the depths of their children’s grief to be shocking, no matter how prepared they thought they were beforehand. Some children completely shut down and appear unresponsive, even demonstrating autistic-like behaviors for days. Others stop eating, drinking, or sleeping. Still others stay in “charm mode” for a period, then their grief breaks free once they arrive to their new home, or even several months later.

It’s a bit ironic that one of the comments we’ve heard most about out impending adoption is that “She is going to be SO HAPPY!” And while we certainly hope that she will eventually feel happiness, my hunch is that she will feel a lot like the babies in the church nursery. Maybe multiplied by a million. Plus, she had no choice in what is about to take place. We pray that she will someday agree that our decision was the best for her. But it won’t make the potential anguish any easier right now.

My desire is that we will be enough for her during this transition, but I know in my heart that we cannot. So I hope that our prayers will fill in the gaps, comfort her grief, heal her wounds, and allow her to accept our love.

*Our daughter will be placed in our arms at around 2:30 pm Monday afternoon, which is 2:30 am Monday in the States. Prayers are much appreciated!*

Saturday night

Tonight's thoughts...
We had an authentic Chinese lunch today - peking duck. Very good!
To drink Chinese tea: pour in cup, swish around, do NOT drink, dump it out. Then start over. This time, you drink it!
We were charged per plate, cup, and napkin in addition to the food.
The pre-Panama (and Romero market) Stacy would not have been able to walk through the Chinese market without tossing cookies. Overwhelming sights, sounds, and oh-my-gosh smells. Live animals crammed into cages, half dead ones being butchered, meat and parts hanging all over, snakes in alcohol, fish being thrown about, spices, snouts, hooves, vegetables, brains, crowds, bikes, scooters, dogs. Everywhere.
The view from Shenzhen to Hong Kong from across the bay is stunning. The rickety antique fishing boats were neat to see against the skyline of modern buildings.
Apparently I'm pretty good at "holding" when the only option is a squatty potty. And especially one with no toilet paper.
Our new Chinese friend was fascinated with the paper napkins I still had from the Indy airport. It's the exact same texture and color of material that gets burnt in memorial when someone dies here. He took mine as a souvenir. My guess is that Au Bon Pan doesn't know they provide "Chinese death napkins".
Our friend also gave us an impressive Tai Chi demonstration.
The hotel lotion smells like man perfume...so I smelled like man perfume.
Luggage should be in Hong Kong now. Hopefully it will chase us down before we leave tomorrow.
The humidity is insane. No point in putting on the man lotion; we were soaked after walking a bit. Thank goodness we had deodorant in our carry ons.
We got a Chinese foot massage. Somehow I ended up on a Chinese woman's lap. Their version of "foot" is different from mine. :/
Finally...we saw HER today...from across a street and through a window as our friend held her from inside the orphanage. Absolutely surreal. Thirty six more hours to go. ♥

Saturday morning

A few initial thoughts...
Hong Kong is beautiful at night; can't wait to see it during the day when we go back through in two weeks.
No one knows where our luggage is because it isn't showing up in the tracking system. We only have another day in Shenzhen so hopefully they put it on the next flight to HK which arrives tonight. Otherwise, they won't forward it on to us in our next city. :(
We're in a great Western-ish hotel; breakfast was yummy.
McDonald's delivers by bike. There is one across the street from us...not that we plan to eat there. :)
I kinda understand why they have dog on the menu here; dogs barked alllll night long. Luckily we were too tired to be very bothered.
Language barrier is amusing. We asked for a towel and got a toothbrush kit. Twice.
We officially receive our daughter in 48 hours. But we are in her city now and will spend time with some volunteers who have known her at the orphanage. We may see her through a window in the next hour or so. (For those friends who knew of my initial plan, don't worry. :) We won't do anything to end up in jail...at least we don't plan to...)
If all goes as planned, our friend will whisper to our daughter this morning what is about to take place. That she will take a trip to another city in two sleeps; that she might be scared, but she will be safe. That she will meet the mama and baba from her book where she is the mei mei (little sister). And that she is strong, good, beautiful, and loved.
We can't wait. ♥

Packing

Two things about this photo...

 

Apparently, I like pink more than I thought I did.

And

I need a bigger suitcase.

Blessed indeed

Years ago I was pregnant at the same time that one of my friends was adopting internationally. Naturally, I made some mental comparisons about our two separate routes into motherhood.

I suffered morning sickness, heartburn, stretch marks, and fatigue. My son became a champion kick boxer inside my uterus. By the eighth month I lost sight of my toes. (This was a actually good thing, since my ankles were roughly the size of watermelons.) And the labor...well, let's just skip that part and agree that it wasn't umm, comfy.

My friend's baby was already half a year old, so she was going to bypass the newborn stage completely. No sleepless newborn nights, no baby weight to lose, she received reports and photos of her son-to-be, and then took a trip halfway around the world with her husband. I thought it appeared to be pretty fun and - here's the crazy part - easy. What a great way to become a parent!

Goodness. I was clueless.

Along with the adoption perks that stuck out to me, my friend also handled the scrutiny of social workers and agencies, endured the agonizing wait while not knowing if her baby was cared for or fed, overcame intense jet lag, ate strange food, communicated in a foreign language, and suffered a hellishly long flight home. I don't think she slept through the night for at least a year. Also, she missed out on knowing her baby from conception, feeling his sweet kicks, and experiencing his first months of life. Oh. And she also met some new acquaintances named Parasite, Lice and Scabies.

Somehow I'd sorta missed those not-so-fun details.

Of course it's obvious that pregnancy and adoption can BOTH be incredibly difficult, painful, exhilarating, terrifying, and joyous. Just in different ways.

I truly wish I could go back and offer more grace and support to my adoptive friend during that part of her journey. I'm lucky to still have her as one of my dear friends, and thankful that she seems to have forgiven me for my (let's be real here, extreme) ignorance.

Another great thing? I have an incredible group of friends who "get it" a lot more than I did back then. They've supported us at every stage of our adoption process. They've cried, screamed, and rejoiced along with us. They've asked about our daughter by name and remembered stories and details that we've shared about her. They've lent us baby equipment and made sure that we could get our house clean before we depart. They've put together a meal rotation so that grandma-who-is-taking-care-of-our-boys-for-seventeen-days-and-is-therefore-elevated-to-saint-status can have a few nights off from preparing dinners during our absence.

Even more?? Some of them were able to get together to throw a "blessings shower" for me the other night. They each shared words of wisdom, scripture, and prayers for our family. They prepared adorable (and yummy!) snacks. And we sang together. Not an awkward, now-let's-sing-kumbaya-in-a-round-moment, but a beautiful lifting of voices in praise and thanksgiving.

I wanted to somehow bottle up all of the goodness and keep it handy for when this journey gets rough. I tried to force my brain to remember it all, as I worried that I would forget their good wishes and words of truth.

Then one of the women reminded me of something special.

She told me that our family is not alone. We won't be alone in China. We won't be alone when we come home. Even on the darkest nights or sunniest days, we won't be alone. I can't think of a more reassuring sentiment.

I certainly don't deserve it. But our family has been blessed indeed.

(And, would you believe it, the photographer forgot to take a single photo. Oops.)

The two sweet words we've been waiting to hear...

We have TRAVEL APPROVAL!!!!!

Lots of excitement around here! We can't wait to meet this little gal in person!

We've requested the first available appointment at the US consulate in China (which must be set before we can book our flights). Our fingers are crossed that they'll approve our requested date. If so, we hope to be on a plane one week from today.

Woo to the hoo!!!