Wednesday

It's all roses! Oh, wait. It's roses...in a thunderstorm. Yep, that's more like it.

I think Randy's biggest problem right now is that he is madly, and I mean madly, in love with our girl. That can cause a bit of angst between the two of us, because we both desperately want her to accept us. Luckily, she goes back and forth on who she rejects and who she reaches toward. I am thankful, and hope we can keep that balance, because even the tiniest rejections still hurt.

Her medical exam was today, and she braved the TB test needle well.

She is extremely ticklish. And her giggle...oh, that giggle is something else!

Something I didn't anticipate is the difficulty of being a foreigner trying to comfort a screaming, tantruming Chinese toddler, with a sea of Chinese eyes staring us down. Of course, I don't know what the masses are truly thinking, but my insecurities go straight for the worst options. I bet they wouldn't know how to calm a grieving child that they met two days ago either. I just wish I could say that in Mandarin...and maybe into a megaphone.

Our afternoon appointment was to apply for our daughter's passport. Our guide was busy, so she sent her sister to help us instead. All I will say is that there is a reason why she is NOT a guide. Yikes.

We continue to have the Very Hungry Caterpillar child. For breakfast she ate one egg, two waffles, several melon slices, one yogurt, half a croissant, three sausages, and a glass of juiced watermelon. For dinner she ate 95% of my dinner, plus some snacks. But, so far, she hasn't produced a cocoon. :)

The throwing issue persists. Tonight I got a fork to the head. Not an intentional hit, but it resulted in a cut lip nonetheless. I think we need to step up our reflexes.

She is one of the most charming children we've ever met. However - and this will seem strange to people who haven't studied institutionalized behaviors - it has me worried. Charm as a learned survival instinct can be one of the more difficult issues in attachment and healing. It is especially tricky because it doesn't outwardly look to be a problem. It also breaks my heart to think that she may be reacting not out of actual joy and fun, but in fear. I hope that part of her charm surely is just "her", as it is absolutely adorable. I pray that she will be able to heal and that we can see her as the full child that she is meant to be, not who she needed to be in order to survive.

I have figured out the answer to my problems - do not eat or drink anything, and always stay near a toilet. Kind of creates a few more issues though.

We are missing the first days we spent in China, those filled with laughter and in health. I am thankful that we got to see a glimpse of China before spending these days only inside the hotel and government offices. I know there are many more wonderful things about her birth country, and I want to be able to know about them and share them with her.

Our boys start school in one day. We miss them terribly, and know that they are making sacrifices for us to take this journey. It pains me that we were so drained tonight that we could barely skype. I hope they understand how much we love them.

Regardless of today's difficulties, or the ones that will come tomorrow, this little gal is worth the fight.