I'm in the 23rd hour of labor and I'd like to complain please.

A fellow adoptive mom was recently telling me about something that hurts her feelings. At certain points during her adoption process she has felt frustrated, angry, scared, or sad. Naturally, she turned to family and friends for support. But some have acted surprised at her frustration. A few even said, "Well, it's not like this was an accident. You signed up for it...what did you expect?"

True...unlike pregnancy, unplanned adoptions are rare. But I doubt any (sane) person would've dared ask me that question when I was expecting in the "typical" way. Especially not if I'd been bed-ridden-two-weeks-overdue-23-hours-into-intense-labor-with-an-epidural-that-didn't-take expectant. And no one would've faulted me for giving that insensitive nitwit a swift kick in the pants. That is, if I could've lifted my leg past my gigantic belly bump.

Why should it be any different for adoptive mamas?

Our family was advised six weeks ago that we would possibly leave for China within 2-6 weeks, which was a good 2-5 months ahead of schedule. At that point I reacted like any pregnant mom would have if she'd been told that she was further along than expected. And that the baby would arrive months before her house was ready, her work responsibilities were covered, and her kids were back in school.

First, I freaked.

And then I made peace with an early date. After all, how great would it be to meet our daughter even sooner?!

Fast forward six weeks. It appears that our case has gotten stuck. A seemingly simple piece of paper that could have been issued over three weeks ago still. has. not. been. issued.

Just a few weeks late. No biggie, right?

Um, would anyone dare tell that to a woman whose pregnancy is two weeks overdue? Who has just heard that this time her due date was terribly underestimated. And the doctor won't consider inducing for another 2-4 weeks. Would that be no biggie??

Freaking out would be par for the course.

And that's just what I've been doing.

Last night I stopped into Babies R Us to pick up a few supplies...and distract myself from the wait. The sky darkened during my drive to the store, and it appeared that the clouds might finally dump the month's worth of rain that they'd been storing up. So I scanned the parking lot for the closest spots. They happened to have cute little stork signs that read, "Reserved for Expectant Moms Only".

I paused.

Well...I AM expecting. With only a few weeks left. And the way this child will be brought into our family is a LOT more like the stork story than just cooking one in my own belly.

I pulled right in to that stork spot.

(In my defense, there was only a handful of cars in the parking lot and a dozen or so extra stork spots. Had I had any indication that a pregnant woman would be struggling to find a spot - especially one who shares my tendency toward unbelievably swollen pregnant feet - I'd have moved my car in an instant. I have a soft spot for pregnant women with ankles as big as their bellies.)

Anyway, I got out of my car at the same time another expectant mother was exiting hers...only she had a large belly as proof of her imminent arrival.

She glanced at me, and then at my car parked next to the stork. Then back at me.

With a glare. And a stink eye to boot.

My instinct was to stick my stomach out and try to appear queasy. But even despite the five (um, or more...) pounds I've managed to gain during our adoption process, my insta-belly attempt was pathetic in comparison. So I simply smiled in her direction and continued into the store.

Granted, I probably deserved the curious glance (but not the stink eye). I would have loved for her to have asked my due date. And to have been able to respond, "Two to three weeks, give or take, of course. These things are unpredictable, you know!"

Point is, I think the adoption process can be similar to pregnancy. Sure, adoptive parents don't deal with heartburn, morning sickness, or Braxton Hicks. But we also don't get the luxury of protecting our child inside our bodies while we wait. We might not get to know much of anything about our child during the process. Not if he is cold, sick, or hungry. Not even if she is neglected or abused. Naturally, this makes parents feel insanely out of control. And if we DO happen to know things - bad things - about how our child suffers during the wait...well, multiply that insanity times ten. Or more.

So, world, please be gentle. Allow us adoptive parents to stress, worry, and vent too. Of course we signed on to this. Of course we knew there'd be ups and downs. Just like people do when a conception is planned. And our "labor pains" might overwhelm us at times...just like in childbirth.

And overall we're pretty similar. Especially when it comes to the most wonderful parts of "expecting". You know how parents can completely forget about the twenty-three hours of agonizing labor the minute they are bonded to that baby in their arms?

I have a hunch that we will too.